Wednesday 5 May 2010

I’ve been in a coma the last two days.

I had this dream I had to fight Achilles, the ancient Greek warrior. I was shitting it, because he’s Achilles, I mean he’s fucking invincible. Plus he had all this training, a spear and a shield and all I had was a pair of shorts and a fucking potato peeler.

Anyway it turned out I wasn’t dreaming but Achilles was actually a car being driven by a family of porcupines (didn’t think we had those in England, which begs the question: am I still in England at this point? Or maybe they escaped from a zoo? Fucking zoos, getting in my way AGAIN)

Bottom line is: YOU CAN’T FUCKING KILL ME, PORCUPINE SHITS.

I swear, sometimes my life is like a bad movie.

Also I’ve been working on this cocktail which is 1 part coffee, 1 part lighter fluid and 2 parts cat blood and 2 parts of this leafy water from the wheelbarrow out back. I’ve been boiling it for ten hours and it’s caught fire twice. Not sure it will be worth it. My life, bad movie, same thing. FFFFFF. I don’t even know whose wheelbarrow that is, or if this is even cat blood.

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