Sunday, 29 August 2010
Sunday, 27 June 2010
HekkI> Hello Oh no computer Hello Is this the police world web shoP someone has broken in i think computer hello call the police
computer call the police
police police police please what is a babyfight really
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Saturday, 19 June 2010
Thursday, 17 June 2010
At first I was going to attack it with two cups, but then I taped an umbrella to a vacuum cleaner, to trap the ghost.
Ghost was making noises like a thousand bees fighting a thousand wasps. Pulled back curtain: turned out to be two thousand wasp coming out of some kind of giant wasp egg death star.
Fuckin turned on vacuum cleaner, sucked them all up, the skies will never be the same. Turned the fucking wasp egg independence day mothership alien into a fucking porridge. The earth will never be the same again.
Then I looked at the vacuum, wasn’t even fucking plugged in WTF.
OR WAS IT?
`324 Yes it was.
Monday, 14 June 2010
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Then this morning I found a new hole on my body, so when I was poking around I found an old looking gladiator helmet in there. So I took it to the museum to sell it, but they weren't interested and then they tried to arrest me because it turned out not to be a gladiator helmet, but some kind of fake helmet made from a Crunchie wrapper and a used condom. Do they even make Crunchies anymore? Also it was a hospital, not a museum, ffs.
And now I think my curtain are haunted. Do you know anything about this, Sanj DO YOU FUCKING WANT SOMRTHING SANJ?>??
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Monday, 17 May 2010
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Also the bathroom floor was covered in used pregnancy tests. Not sure they're mine, or why they're there. But if I was going to use a pregnancy test I would do so in the bathroom, so that part of this puzzle makes sense. Unless this isn't my house.
Also I'm pretty sure I invented a card game that doesn't involve any cards and is for one player. No way to know for sure.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
I had this dream I had to fight Achilles, the ancient Greek warrior. I was shitting it, because he’s Achilles, I mean he’s fucking invincible. Plus he had all this training, a spear and a shield and all I had was a pair of shorts and a fucking potato peeler.
Anyway it turned out I wasn’t dreaming but Achilles was actually a car being driven by a family of porcupines (didn’t think we had those in
Bottom line is: YOU CAN’T FUCKING KILL ME, PORCUPINE SHITS.
I swear, sometimes my life is like a bad movie.
Also I’ve been working on this cocktail which is 1 part coffee, 1 part lighter fluid and 2 parts cat blood and 2 parts of this leafy water from the wheelbarrow out back. I’ve been boiling it for ten hours and it’s caught fire twice. Not sure it will be worth it. My life, bad movie, same thing. FFFFFF. I don’t even know whose wheelbarrow that is, or if this is even cat blood.
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
Anyway I mixed together all their cleaners and medicines and shit into this orgasmic super cocktail and I have got fucked up on that shit. I think my heart stopped for about 14 minutes there.
I’m writing this six months in the future depending on when you read it. I think when I put the bleach in this drink it made my reactions six months faster than most people. Something to do with which is why my fucking blog was taken down by some asshole, and not because I’d drawn a swastika from a bunch of penises.
Anyway so I wanted to upload these fucking animal pictures I’ve drawn. They’re basically about how like animals are really fucking sexualised now and it’s like no matter how many times you tell me you’ve drunk stripper’s urine you’re still not fucking better than me because I’ve got the cock of a tiger. Literally, I had a fucking operation.
Also probably someone can masturbate to this shit. If that’s you then send me some fucking money, you dick.
Also just saw the Avatar movie. Probably best movie I ever saw.