Sunday, 27 June 2010

Woke up and I had an IV drip, or whatever, stuck in my arm. Also my legs were half in a suitcase and I think I am in an old lady's home. I only say that because shit wait

HekkI> Hello Oh no computer Hello Is this the police world web shoP someone has broken in i think computer hello call the police

computer call the police

police police police please what is a babyfight really

Thursday, 24 June 2010

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

a sexy wild boar

Lately I have been worrying that my dad will come to me as I'm dying, either with burns covering my entire body, or stricken at the side of the road, and tell me "I knew every single time when you were masturbating."

Saturday, 19 June 2010

thinking about lately

When you're having your baths next, think about this:

Would you rather eat a human penis, cooked really well with lots of nice spices and herbs, or a sandwich with loads of those black pads from the bottom of dogs paws?

Thursday, 17 June 2010


Dealt with the Curtain ghost situation. First things first: took all my clothes off. So the ghost couldn’t possess any of them. (Q: What film is that from? A: not from a film, it’s from my fucking life. A2: Fuck you anyway, Sanj.)

At first I was going to attack it with two cups, but then I taped an umbrella to a vacuum cleaner, to trap the ghost.

Ghost was making noises like a thousand bees fighting a thousand wasps. Pulled back curtain: turned out to be two thousand wasp coming out of some kind of giant wasp egg death star.

Fuckin turned on vacuum cleaner, sucked them all up, the skies will never be the same. Turned the fucking wasp egg independence day mothership alien into a fucking porridge. The earth will never be the same again.

Then I looked at the vacuum, wasn’t even fucking plugged in WTF.


`324 Yes it was.

Monday, 14 June 2010


the ghostf in my cvurtains, it turnsout, is an el,ectricity ghost. t crackles and i touchedf the curtinnand nowmyhands aere badly burned. scienceknows nothingnabouit ghosts,so my science bible tells me. fcukme fgets rthe polciee.

Sunday, 13 June 2010


I got shot last night, by a boy of about 14, with a gun made from a coke bottle and a bit of wood, at least that's what it felt like.

Then this morning I found a new hole on my body, so when I was poking around I found an old looking gladiator helmet in there. So I took it to the museum to sell it, but they weren't interested and then they tried to arrest me because it turned out not to be a gladiator helmet, but some kind of fake helmet made from a Crunchie wrapper and a used condom. Do they even make Crunchies anymore? Also it was a hospital, not a museum, ffs.

And now I think my curtain are haunted. Do you know anything about this, Sanj DO YOU FUCKING WANT SOMRTHING SANJ?>??